For many LGBTQ+ families, the path to parenthood starts with questions. Not just about treatment, but about what the journey might look like, who will support them, and how to choose a clinic that truly sees and respects their story. At Collab Fertility, we are honored to walk alongside patients as they navigate those early crossroads with hope, intention, and clarity.

This couple generously offered to share their experience — a heartfelt reflection on love, resilience, and finding the right team to help bring their son into the world.

How our journey to parenthood began

Parenthood for us was always felt in life’s simplest moments. Cooking dinner would turn into an hour-long discussion on which meal(s) would be best for a family of three, four, or even five. Setting the table would be staring at the extra set of bowls, plates, and silverware waiting for the day we got to finally pull them down from the cabinet. Laundry would be imagining all of the cute onesies, outfits, and clothes we’d pick out while also wondering how we managed to lose yet another pair of tiny socks. Walking past the spare bedroom in our home would be daydreaming of what the nursery would look like or how our future children would one day want their bedrooms to look. Standing in the doorway would take us through all of the conversations we’d hoped to have with them someday, even if it meant spending an afternoon being scolded for driving them too close to school or learning about the inner workings of the social hierarchy of the sixth grade. As the months continued to pass us by, these moments, feelings, and daydreams started to become much more profound.

The lingering question for us as two women was not if or when we wanted children; it was how?

‍Navigating fertility options as a same-sex couple

We had all the conversations you’d expect to have when starting a family. When is the right time? Are we in a good place to try? What does work look like right now for both of us? How do we, as two women, conceive? What does the process look like? How do you find a fertility clinic that you can trust? Are we doing IVF? Is that how we would try to conceive? How much money are we going to need? How much are we able to spend before we’d have to stop? If we can’t get pregnant how will we process that? How do you find a donor? All of it became overwhelming at times, and we too easily found ourselves feeling lost, scared, and confused.

Deciding to start trying to get pregnant

In late 2023, we were on a small getaway for one of our birthdays, and while we had been coming to this same place for years, this trip felt different. As we sat at the pool, we couldn’t help but feel that something was missing. I’m sure you could guess but we’ll spoil the surprise by saying yes, our kids! We sat and imagined coming here when they were too little to walk, so we’d pull them around in a little floaty. We’d tell them they were okay as they felt the water on their tiny feet for the first time. We saw hours of a day spent by the pool with our kids telling us, “Just five more minutes, Mom, please!” even though we’d already given them 2 hours past the time we said we needed to go. We’d head back to our room and tuck the kids into bed as we both sat awake, looking at all of the pictures we’d captured that afternoon. We began to discuss all of the fun places here in California we aspired to go together as a family, sharing stories of even our own fondest childhood memories. That’s when we agreed that while we had so many unanswered questions, we were now set on trying to get pregnant by that same exact time in 2024.

Choosing a Bay Area fertility clinic that supports LGBTQ+ families

It is scary jumping into the unknown. Finding a clinic brings up a lot of questions, emotions, and fears you may not even know you had. One Google search for us brought us to several fertility doctors here in the Bay Area. Most of which just didn’t seem to stand out to us until we came across Collab’s website. There was something so inviting, comforting, and inclusive about the design and layout of the site. We immediately noticed that they offered several different services to LGBTQ+ families and individuals, including help finding a sperm bank. This was huge for us. While we can’t conceive a child biologically, we were conceiving this child together, and nothing felt more important than finding a team that would honor and respect that. We decided to fill out their inquiry form and the next day set up an appointment to meet with Dr. Segal. As we headed in for the first time, we both agreed that we were just beginning our fertility journey, so if it felt right, we’d be thrilled, but if it didn't, that would be okay too.

Luckily one meeting and we knew we had found the place that would help us achieve our goal of creating a family. The entire team treated us so kindly, and the process was explained to us in such a thoughtful manner that we left feeling so much more confident than we ever could have imagined. Every visit became less nerve-racking than the one before as we officially began our journey.

How we found our sperm donor

Once we knew we wanted to proceed with Collab, we quickly turned our attention to finding a donor. What an intimate and intimidating process it is to browse the thousands of choices through an online sperm bank. It took us a few months and several searches before we finally found the one we would choose. While a lot of our worries slipped away once we knew we had our donor, a new set of fears crept in as our IUI date was fast approaching. All of the feelings you’d expect hit us like a ton of bricks. What if it doesn’t work? What will life be like if it does work? Will it hurt?

The moment we learned our IUI was successful

Once the procedure was over, the following two weeks of waiting to take a pregnancy test felt like two years. We did everything we possibly could to pass the time, but the minutes felt like hours. When the day finally came around, we were so nervous, excited, and scared. We took the test and immediately left it on the bathroom counter as we shut the door behind us. As the timer began to count the seconds down, we sat there on the edge of our bed and told each other that no matter which sign we see, it will be okay. It’ll be okay to celebrate. It’ll be okay to break down. It’ll be okay to not be okay because we’ll be by each other every step of the way. As the timer wound down, we headed to the bathroom and cracked the door open just enough to peer through our half-shut eyes to read the word “pregnant” on our digital test. As most do, we immediately took a second test to confirm. When that test came back instantly with a + sign, we began to celebrate. The emotions of that day feel difficult yet also so easy to remember exactly one year later.

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Pregnancy after IUI: what the next year looked like for us

One year ago, we were going through our IUI, taking our pregnancy test, and navigating life while newly pregnant. One year ago at this exact time of year, all we had were our imaginations and conversations. Those same conversations we’d been having for years, but only this time knowing our dreams would finally be coming true. That day in the bathroom was the first time that our family had been together. We would spend the next several months reading which fruit our baby was week after week, watching them grow at each ultrasound, and feeling the first flip, hiccup, and kick as each trimester passed us by. They all never seemed to get old. Every movement was a confirmation that our family was officially growing.

Welcoming our baby boy: our IUI success story

After what felt like 10 years, we finally welcomed our baby boy into our lives this year. He was born on a date that once held no significance to either of us, but is now one of the most important dates in the world. As we sit here and write this out, we can’t imagine what life was like before him. Our lives where we didn’t know each other, and especially him, feel like lives that didn’t exist. All we know is our family. All we know is that while it’s mini spoons and plastic plates, that extra set of dinnerware is finally out at the table. Every day there is a load of laundry with those onesies, outfits, and far more missing socks than we ever could have imagined. That spare bedroom is officially our nursery, where we spend countless hours changing diapers and taking naps. Our days are filled with toys, feedings, and tiny coos as our little guy tries to join in on our conversations. Each sleepless night is met with the warmest, most genuine smile of a person who can’t hide their excitement to see you. Every cry holds the opportunity to wrap him in our arms and let him know he is so loved and safe. Each room is different than it was before, but in all of the changes we finally feel our house become a home. There was once a time when we would read others' experiences and want ours to unfold so badly. But we know you can’t skip the steps. Our son was the one egg and sperm that met the month we chose to conceive. Looking back on all of the times we so badly wanted to get pregnant sooner now shows us that the reason we didn’t was that he was meant to be our child.

Reflections on parenthood and building our family

There are so many ways to start a family. At one point in our own lives, we were strangers, and now we are forever intertwined by not only the love we have for each other but that of our child. While there were so many potential outcomes and unknowns along the way, we are forever grateful that we, as two women, get the opportunity to be parents alongside one another. As we look back, we now know we wouldn’t have wanted our story to unfold any other way. We waited a lifetime for our son. And he waited a lifetime for us. Our journey became our story. Your journey will become yours too. No matter who you are or why you’re here, the love that you have in search of your family is not only admirable but undeniable.

We are so honored to be a part of this community led by a team that fosters an environment of inclusion, hope, and strength. A team that is passionate about helping people just like us have the family we have always dreamed of.

We are a success story not only because of our pregnancy but also because of the years of research that have gone into this moment. As a couple, we are so grateful for our experience, thankful for the opportunity, and truly cannot wait to make the call when we’re ready to try again.

At Collab Fertility, we believe every family’s path is uniquely meaningful — and this couple’s story beautifully reflects the courage, curiosity, and deep love that guide so many patients through this journey. For anyone beginning or continuing their own path to parenthood, know that your questions are welcome here. Your story deserves to be met with respect, compassion, and expertise. And when you’re ready, we’re here to walk with you through each step of what’s ahead. Reach out to us today to begin your journey.

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